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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I’m strolling down Packhorse Road, thinking about grabbing a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee House. You know, the one with the funky art on the walls? But nah, I get distracted by this massive dog. Like, I’m talking a bear in a dog suit. It’s just chillin’ on the sidewalk, and I’m like, “Dude, is that a dog or a woolly mammoth?”

Country road is now closed as thick layers of black ice appear overnight